I am scared for you to see it

I am scared for you to see me

I am scared to see myself

I am scared that it’s bad

I am scared that it’s horrible

I am scared that I have no idea what I’m doing

I am scared of failing.

I am scared of the words that escape my mind sometimes

I am scared that I feel certain things

I am scared that I think certain things

I am scared of the depths of my brain and discovering the places within it that I have never gone.

I am scared that what I write will hurt the wrong people

I am scared that what I write will hurt myself

I am scared to reveal all of the things that are deep inside of me

I am scared of the words and the thoughts and the experiences and the past that I push down deep inside even though it begs to come out.

I am scared to let all of that out

I am scared that I never will.

But what I am scared of the most is my fear

Because what if I never do it?

What if I never put words on a page?

What if I never hear my own voice?

And what if no one else does either?

I am scared.

That has not changed and probably won’t ever.

I can pretend that a shiny new book deal will make it all go away but in my heart, I know it never will.

But the fear of not doing is greater than the fear of doing.

So I just have to sit down and do it anyways.

I have no words of wisdom for you.

I have no shred of advice or answers or motivation.

As I am writing this now, I am scared.

So I write and I write and I write

And then I close my eyes

And I release it out into the world

And I never look back.