Beez’s Advice

This is just a fun little flash fiction piece. Enjoy!

I sighed. I knew there was only one person I could turn too.

            I found Beez in our local Starbucks, and the wench had found the only cup of herb tea they served in the joint. She was reading Pride and Prejudice, glasses down to the rim of her nose and completely outfitted in 1950’s garb, making her not look sixteen, but sixty-three.

            Along with this elderly look of hers came wisdom. Supposedly.

            “Oh darling Ravenna, what a pleasure it is to see you on this fine September afternoon.”

            Beez didn’t even seem like an actual person. Just like a really weird, over exaggerated, British old lady in a soap opera.

            “Beez, I gotta ask you something.”

            She sipped her tea, and an amused smile slipped onto her face. “Oh, do tell.”

            “What do you think…about love?” I said.

            “What a broad term. The love the governess had for the children in The Turn of the Screw morphed itself into an obsession with heroism. In The Old Man and the Sea,the love the old man had for the sea was unparalleled and was as much a part of him as were his fingers and toes. The jealousy Gene experienced for Finny in A Separate Peace surpassed any love he felt. So there are several ways to answer your question. And—“

            “Will you quit it with the obscure classics references! I have a serious prolem here!”

            “Well, you weren’t being very specific, darling, so I had to resort to what I know best.”

            I stood up to leave. “Forget it! Just forget it!”

            She grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry dear, that was very insensitive of me. Jane Austen is off, Beez Smith is on. Now, what is it that you need?”

            “Fine.” I sat back down. “You see…I’m in love. Madly.”

            She laughed. “So what’s the problem, dear?”

            “The problem, Dr. Phil, is that I’m in the friend zone. I’ve been best friends with the guy for years, and he’s going with someone else, and it’s driving me CRAZY, and it’s so OBVIOUS I’m nuts about him, yet its also OBVIOUS that he hasn’t noticed.

            She chuckled. “Ah, young love.”

            “Are you even listening to me?”

            “Yes, yes of course dear. Who is this beauty?”

            “Mark Fleming.” I felt warm even saying his name.

            “Ha! I believe that you are the blind one darling”

            I paused. “What are you talking about?”

            She sighed. “He waits for you everyday at the bus stop and helps you in to make sure you don’t fall. He smiles when he says your name. He calls you Raven because he knows you love it. Oh, and when your cat died, he was the only one who showed at the funeral. He adores you, Ravenna, probably for longer than you have him. He’s probably dating this girl because he feels hopeless.”

            I almost cried. “Oh my God, what the hell is wrong with me?!”

            “Many things, dear, but we won’t discuss that now. You—“

            “What things?!”

            “Shut up. Now he hasn’t told you how he feels because A.) He’s a guy and B.) He’s a shy guy. You’ve already done some damage by making him wait, so you have to do something crazy. Shout I love you to him from a ferris wheel…”

            “I’m not doing that.”

            “You get the point. Just tighten those suspenders and do something you never have before, even if it will completely shred what little dignity you had.”

            She smiled. “Risks bring home the bacon, love.”

            I hated to admit that she was right.


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